


Three Guys Walk Into A Bar...

by AndeliaMaddock



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Desperation, F/M, Group Sex, Masturbation, Multi, gangbangin, listen all im saying is i might be the lady in this because it is hard af to get off, theyre just fuckin, this is an excuse to write them just all fuckin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 00:09:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7779013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndeliaMaddock/pseuds/AndeliaMaddock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, three guys walk into a bar, and they all start talking about a farmer they haven't seen since Winter began, and one guy says, "I'm not worried, but I'm going to check on her." And he fucking blushes.</p><p>And another guy says, "That's a great idea, me too." And he puts on his coat and hat.</p><p>And the third says, "It's not like I like her or anything..." And follows.</p><p>And the punchline's in the story. Hint: it's group sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Guys Walk Into A Bar...

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Sebastian and shane (and if you have the time maybe a little bit of harvey) walk in on there female farmer playing with themselves and help them finish. ( Hope i was specific enough i just woke up, sorry if not)
> 
> I had a good as fuck time writing this prompt. Idk if y'all can tell.

“It's just weird. Normally she's out and about, talking to everyone and having a pint.” Shane commented to Emily. “You really haven't seen her? She's like an annoying buzzy bee. She should be bothering me.”

“No, she's not been around lately.” Emily handed him his beer, and shrugged. “If I see her, I can let her know you've been missing her.” She grinned a little.

He didn't blush, for sure, as he drank his beer. One hand wiped some foam from his lips, and he turned towards the pool table.

Sebastian finished a shot and glanced up. “Haven't seen her either. I've been sort of hoping she'd come over. I mean, I don't want to hang out all the time with anyone, but it's been like a week.”

“She skipped an appointment with me yesterday. She didn't even call. Does her home even have a phone?” Harvey stepped between the two of them. “I'm very concerned about her. I hope she hasn't caught a cold, or something worse. This is the season for it. I should have gone to check on her, but it slipped my mind.” He put his gloves back on and glanced towards the door. “Perhaps I will now.”

“Whoa, wait up, Doc, you can't go alone. Old guy like you, you'll probably fall and break a hip.” Shane chugged the rest of his drink, slammed it on the table, pulled out a crumpled 100G note, and left it beside the mug for Emily.

“I'm only a few years older than you, Shane.”

Sebastian finished a shot, swept the rest of the balls in, and zipped his hoodie higher. “I'll check on her too.”

“Pretty sure I didn't invite you.” Shane yanked his coat from the back of his chair and shrugged into the fluffy material.

“Pretty sure I don't care.”

“Stop bickering, if we're going to check on her, we should do it before it gets too dark.” Harvey pulled on his hat and folded the flaps over his ears.

“Very nice. You look like a toddler ready for their first snow storm.” Shane remarked towards Harvey with a smirk.

“I like that puffy coat, Shane. It's very chic.” Sebastian added with his own smirk, and quick steps towards the door.

“Piss off.”

“As soon as we find out if she's ok, I'm sure I will.” Sebastian ripped the door open, and strode out into the Winter night.

The trek there, they all quipped and bickered just enough to keep it interesting. Just enough to not have to pay attention to the almost eerie noises that resounded through the valley some days and nights. That howling noise still chilled them worse than the whirling snow and biting wind.

Finally, they made it to her home. Inside, it looked dark.

Sebastian leaned up close to a cold window pane and breathed on it, then wiped it off. “I can't see anything. There's a curtain in the way.”

“Come here often and stare in her window?” Shane snickered.

Harvey mumbled, “I would expect that sort of thing from either of you.” He dug his hands deeper into his pockets. “Other than ours, the footsteps around here look like they're from several days ago. I don't think anyone's been in or out of here recently.”

“Think so?” Shane offered Harvey a level glare, then stomped across the porch and moved to the door. “Then she could need serious help. She could be dying in there. Starving.”

“Right,” Sebastian added. “She could need medical attention.”

Harvey blustered. “Well why don't we knock and--”

“No time to knock.” Shane pushed open the door.

She arched her body back in the bed. The fireplace had burned low, until it was barely above embers. But she didn't seem to mind. Her body was soaked in sweat, and her hair plastered to her forehead and cheeks, wild, untamed.

Eyes glazed with lust and pleasure glanced over at them, and looked them up and down.

“Oh Yoba, we should go.” Harvey began to step back.

“Either get out, or help out, I'm dying here. I can't get off.” She didn't even pull the blankets over herself. She didn't even stop what she was doing. Apparently, she didn't care.

Sebastian shut the door behind him and closed out the cold. “Y-you're ok if we stay?”

“Are you going to come over and help me come?” She rocked forward a little, and her body showed a little (potentially big) plug in her backside. “I can't get off and it's driving me nuts.”

“Is that what you've been doing the last week?” Shane seemed amused, and stepped forward to her bed. “Playing your fiddle?”

“You try and do it by yourself! Oh... you probably do. I wish I could get off like you all probably do.” She pushed on the slick, thick dildo in her cunt, and forced it deep. “Hurry up and help out. Or get out. I don't need voyeurs, I need someone to... make me come. Now.” She whined and lay back against the plush pillows.

Her legs trembled, and kicked out, seemingly spasming without any control on her part. She lost her grip on her glass dildo, and it slid right out and plopped onto an already wet stain on the purple sheet. With a glazed look, she glanced from one of them to another.

“That's not coming?” Sebastian asked quietly.

“No! I just peak and plateau and peak and plateau and I keep getting higher and higher but never actually coming! I'm going out of my mind here!” Fingers twitched and reached for the dildo, but she couldn't quite catch it and make it go in. Legs ceased to shake and she caught her breath. “Damn it!”

“That sounds like that sucks.” Shane didn't seem too concerned. He stoked the fire a bit, and got it going higher.

“It doesn't just suck. It's maddening. Are you helping or not?”

“I'm sure one of them can first.” He pushed a coal around with the poker. “I'm going to get this place warm.”

“I'm already scorching here.”

“Well, I am a medical professional. Perhaps I can help out with your... fever.” Harvey finally stepped forward, seemingly having gotten with the program.

\--~~--

“Hold her legs down!” Shane clutched at her arms, and held them tight.

“I'm trying! She's kicking too hard!” Sebastian held her legs by the ankles, but they kept on shifting and flailing.

The farmer moaned low, and arched her back. Her body lifted several inches off the bed.

Harvey still worked that dildo in, harder, faster, right up against the spot that seemed to work the best for her. “Are you nearly there?”

They were all hard, and a little bit terrified. But definitely hard.

She grunted and slammed her pelvis against his hand. “Faster! Work that vibrator too!”

He could only do so many things at a time! But he did use one hand to flip on the little bullet, and he pressed it against her clit. She seemed to get off with the most intense physical stimulation, so that's what he gave her.

“More!”

More what? Harvey looked to Shane with a panicked expression over his tense face, but Shane just shrugged and kept hold of her wrists.

“Jiggle the dildo a little.” Sebastian commented.

“Ah, like this?” Harvey asked as he angled it just a bit higher.

“Oh fuck yes!” She whined and clenched hr eyes shut. Her body tensed, thrashed a few more times, and finally she went limp against his administrations.

He began to slow.

“No! Keep going. Just... just a little bit more.” Her eyes fluttered open, and all the intensity was still there, but concentrated. Happier. Her lips curled in pleasure, and she carefully rocked her hips against the dildo he fucked her with. “Please, oh Yoba yes. I've been trying... for days.” She nodded and relaxed entirely against the soaked sheets. “I think... that's it.”

Slowly, with looks of uncertainty flashed towards each of the others, they all let go and backed away just a bit from her.

She smiled, almost sleepy looking. “Mmm, do any of you want to play now?” All of the frustration had flown out entirely with her orgasm, and she just offered them a blissed out look, and lay there, cute and sated.

“I mean... is that on the table?” Sebastian glanced at the others, then back at her. “I've not really... done anything like this before.”

“Are you a virgin?” Her question didn't have any real angle to it. It was as casual as asking him his favorite pizza topping. She pulled the blanket over her belly and legs, and lay there, topless and unconcerned with anything really.

“No! I'm just.” He looked anywhere but at the three of them.

“He's never fucked around in front of other dudes before.”

“Oh.” She shrugged. “Whatever. I don't care one way or another. The offers only available for like, probably until I pass out. I'm exhausted. I finally get why guys conk out after they do it.” She cuddled up with a pillow and shut her eyes.

Harvey moved towards the door. “Perhaps we should just... leave you to it then. Though, I might add it's not the best practice to leave plugs in for very long, so you might want to remove and sanitize that before you sleep.”

She sighed and her eyes snapped open. “Yeah. Whatever.”

Harvey opened the front door. “Oh, dear.”

“What?” Shane glanced over.

“There's a blizzard going on outside. I wouldn't feel safe with any of us walking out in this. Especially for you, Sebastian. That hoodie isn't good enough on a normal day, it's certainly not ok when the snow piles like this.”

“Can stay, if ya like.” She mumbled it from the night stand.

Sebastian snorted disdainfully and crossed his arms. “Whatever. I have to go home.” His eyes wouldn't reach any of them, and instead he focused on the fire.

“Well, we'll at least stay until the storm decreases. If that's alright with...”

She had finished with her task, and already fallen asleep in her bed, nice and curled under big fluffy weighted blankets.

Shane nodded over at her. “I've never seen her that unhinged. That was really hot. Wouldn't mind doing that again.”

“We won't be stuck here all night though, right?” Sebastian shifted uncomfortably from his position at the side of her bed.

“Well, if we are, at least she doesn't seem to mind.” Shane pulled his boots off, then placed his coat over the back of a chair and crawled into the bed next to her.

“We could at least not be in her bed!” Harvey flushed.

“Why not? We saw her naked. She made us all hard. We got her off. It's not like I'm gonna do anything to her while she's sleeping. I'm just pretty worn out. I had a long day of work. You two do what you want.” Shane scooted close to her.

In her sleep, she curled an arm around him and cuddled up against the grumpy man.

Harvey and Sebastian eyed one another.

\--~~--

Sebastian finally got cell service. Barely. Three texts from Mom, asking where he was. He replied, and she blipped back immediately that he needed to stay there. He could come home when the weather cleared.

Harvey snored a little. Shane snored a lot. She did little gasps, and then grinned occasionally. They all seemed pleasant together, curled up on the bed, cozy under the covers.

Sebastian stirred the fire a little, the way he'd seen Shane do it.

It was a bit weird. He'd enjoyed watching, of course he had. And he'd considered the very short lived offer she'd given, just like the other two. But could any of them actually do something like that?

Maybe. But it was too late now. And she'd probably think they were all creeps in the morning when she woke up and had enough sense to remember what happened.

“You look pretty intense, Seb.” She yawned and blinked a few times. “Want to come nap with me?”

If by her, she meant her and two other people... “Maybe soon.”

“I hope you're not upset that you're stuck here. You don't have to do anything, you know. If you're not comfortable with it.”

“If I'm not? We're the ones who just ran into your house because we hadn't seen you in forever.”

“Like, three or four days. I've been busy. You know. Figuring out what makes my body go zooooom.” She giggled, still apparently very sleepy and very silly. “Come lay with us.”

She didn't seem upset. Maybe... Sebastian crawled into bed with her, though, unfortunately, on the side right next to Harvey. But at least it was warm. He didn't have to worry he'd freeze to death.

“That's it, just relax.” She smiled at him over Harvey's back.

He snorted, and jerked awake. “Nnn?”

The farmer reached out and pet Harvey's shoulders. “Shhhh. Go back to sleep.”

He nodded, rolled onto his side, and curled up against her.

Sebastian regretted not going to bed before the older guys. Now he got the edge, and they all got to cuddle up right next to her.

“Maybe tomorrow, we can cuddle.” She whispered.

He grinned and looked up at the ceiling. “I'd like that.”

“Go to sleep.” She said finally. “Waiting for the snow to stop won't make it happen.”

It wasn't long before he did fall off into slumber.

\--~~--

The aroma of meat and sizzling eggs permeated the air.

Sebastian sprawled out in a bed that was all to him. Then he stiffened, and sat up.

Harvey and Shane sat at the table, with a half-full pot of coffee between then. They chatted about something quietly, with relaxed expressions.

She stood at the stovetop and flipped something. After a moment, she glanced over as though she felt his stare. A grin lit up her lips and she waved with a spatula in one hand. “Morning! You want some food?”

He nodded dimly, and wiped the sleep from his tired eyes. “Time's it?”

“Oh, about 8. I'm a bit lazy this morning, but... how could I not be after last night?” She sang a little louder, some song he didn't know, with syllables that didn't seem to make sense together. Were those even words? It sounded like nonsense.

“8's plenty early for me.” He grumbled, but shifted and slid off the edge of the bed.

“That's because you spent too long doing nothing while the rest of us slept. Should have gone to bed earlier.” Shane took a sip of his steaming coffee.

“Yeah, you definitely don't sound old when you say shit like that, Shane.” He grunted and flopped into one of the two open chairs.

She brought over a mug. “Have some coffee!” Fingers curled through his hair sensually, then she turned, and all but danced back into the kitchen.

“You're happier than I've seen.” Sebastian said, almost under his breath.

She caught it. “Figure it's this way. You all know I'm blunt. I say what I want, and I do what I want. So if I was a guy, I probably wouldn't have freaked out like I did last night. But I'm someone with a cunt, and I can never get myself off. I don't know if I could if I had a dick, but I don't, and it doesn't matter either way.” Her voice never shifted from utterly pleasant and saccharine. “So I've had my body all tight and pent up for just, absolutely years. Years and years. And I almost get there every time with just one lover, but they always. Always.” The tone darkened, and she scraped at a pan with her flipper. “Let me go so close to the edge, and then bring me back. And that has its appeal. It's delicious, torturous, appeal. Believe me.” She smiled over at the three of them.

They seemed as uncomfortable below as Sebastian.

She shrugged, “But sometimes I just want to be held down and made to come. And if you three hadn't broken into my house under vague, potentially false pretenses, I never would have come last night and I'd be tense and angry another whole day!” She flipped a pancake into the air and laughed as it landed correctly. “So what do I have to complain about?”

Shane tapped his fingers on the table, and one hand grabbed the mug and all but poured some of the warm coffee down his throat. He wiped with the back of his hand, then turned more fully to her. “So maybe you want to do that again sometime?”

A stretch of time coiled out before Sebastian where nothing happened, except the pans sizzled.

Then, slowly, she pivoted on one foot towards them and stared them down. “I would very much like that.”

“Maybe after breakfast?” Harvey cautiously suggested, his back still towards her, his face a bright blossom of pink. He adjusted his glasses, and took a steady sip of his own coffee.

She continued to look at Sebastian.

He clutched at the table, and marveled at just how skilled Mom really was at woodworking. The carvings were really intricate. “After breakfast would be fine.”

She bubbled up a laugh, and turned back towards the meal that slowly came together. “Well, then it's a great thing I'm making a complete breakfast for you boys! Because I'm going to make you need all the energy you can get!”

The laugh was so soft, sweet, and lovely. But the words were just a little bit off. A bit menacing.

Shane chuckled, shook his head, and drank his black coffee.

\--~~--

“Harder!” She gripped Sebastian by the shoulders and slammed her body down onto his cock. Nails cut into his skin, and she flung her head back, then relaxed against Harvey's bare chest. “Oh, deeper. Fuck.”

Harvey pressed his thick cock into her backside, as deep as he could manage. “Is that what you want?” He rumbled the question into her ear.

She grinned, and he nodded her head against his chest. “C'mere Shane, don't let me forget about you.”

“Are you sure? You look a bit preoccupied.” He lazily jerked at his cock and watched the scene. “I could wait until these slackers wear themselves out.”

“Aren't you the King of Slackers?” She grinned and teased, even as her body so aggressively worked and rocked against two of her lovers.

“Sometimes. Except when I'm properly motivated. I figure, between Grandpa here, and Kiddo, you'll need a real man to finish the job.”

“Strange,” Harvey grunted and fondled a breast with one hand, while another thumbed at her clit. “You weren't the one to make her orgasm last night. I believe you were relegated to 'arm holder'.” He glared over at Shane from behind foggy lenses.

Sebastian ignored them, and worked with her body. When Harvey's thumb stopped flicking at her, he moved his own hand down, and began to work with her instead.

She moaned, and grinned, and seemed so very interested in everything going on. “Come on, we can all get along, can't we? You've all got your skills, I'm sure... we can all win, because it's not a competition.”

\--~~--

It was absolutely a competition. Harvey had nearly come, and he pulled out of the race, or at least pulled back.

Sebastian knew he was close too, but he didn't want to be the first one to come, especially when she hadn't finished yet.

Shane took Harvey's place, and smirked at Sebastian over her sweaty shoulder. “Come on, you're not going to give up on making her come, are you?” He pressed his body close to hers, so his chest slapped against her back.

She moaned low, and fell forward, over Sebastian. They all toppled down.

Shane was the first to regain the rhythm. He pulled back, gave the other two a moment to recover, then slammed in. Nails scratched along her back, and scored along her sides. “Do you like that?”

The farmer whined, then slipped it lower in a soft sigh. “Yeah.”

Sebastian forced himself to not pick up the pace to match with Shane, but instead to keep it steady. He could last, he could make her feel good too. “What about this?” If he couldn't slam into her, since he was on the bottom of the pile, he could rub her at least, right? His fingers worked at her clit again, after a few minutes of roaming her body and searching for all her erogenous zones.

Her eyes were shut, and she rested her head on Sebastian's shoulder. Little moans and half-there whispers slipped out, but they weren't loud enough for him to decode. Or maybe his brain wasn't fully working with how much he wanted to come.

Too much. Pressure from her body, her breath on his neck, Shane's slaps that slammed her down into Sebastian. It all added together. He couldn't thrust up anymore, his legs gave out right along the time he filled his condom, and knew he needed to pull out.

Shane, the chump, lifted her up almost immediately, like he'd planned it that way.

She wriggled off his cock and sighed over at Harvey.

Harvey panted, and put another, different, condom on. “You're a bit insatiable I think.”

“No.” She protested weakly. “I just know what I need to get off.”

“Greedy slut.” Shane growled.

She smirked and slammed herself back onto his cock. “Maybe. Is there anything wrong with that?”

“Nope. It's why I liked you before, and it's definitely why I like you now.”

“Funny, I thought you didn't like me for the longest time.” She pretended to pout, even as she worked herself along his long cock. “You were so mean to me.”

“You didn't seem to mind.”

“Figured a guy who likes animals so much couldn't be all bad.” She slid forward a little, and moved over Harvey.

Shane repositioned himself, and began again.

\--~~--

They all panted. Inert on the bed, they lay beside her.

She stretched and sighed. “That was pretty nice.”

“Pretty nice? That was like, a solid hour of a workout.”

She glanced at the alarm clock on the night stand. “No, more like forty five minutes. And you only did like, twenty five. But don't worry, I had a great time regardless.”

Shane blustered.

She pat his cheek. “You're all so cute. Almost makes me forget you all broke into my house.”

“Almost?” Harvey rolled his eyes. “We've already explained--”

“How could we make you forget that?” Sebastian asked up against the coil of her ear.

“Hmmm.” She pulled her hand from Shane's cheek, and tapped a finger at her chin. “Probably by... coming and doing this more often.”

“I'm a pretty busy guy, “Shane began.

“Shane, you spend all your time working, working with animals, or drinking. I guess sleeping too. But if you really don't want to--”

“But maybe this Friday?”

“Friday's good.” Sebastian murmured.

“I could make Friday work. After my shift?” Harvey nodded.

“Good! Friday. Seven. And we can all do this again!”

“Well, I'll certainly be needing those cardio workouts I've been doing, for all the work we do here.” Harvey pulled the blanket up over them all, and settled in next to Sebastian.

Sebastian didn't mind. This time he got to be close to her, and he held her.

It didn't take long before they all fell back asleep.

 

((So, in case none a y’all have figured by now, I, Dragon Mod, like to take prompts and go in whatever wild direction I feel like. You want a character being dommed? Welcome to that character being dommed in a really silly way. You have three people listed, and you want one of the three people walking in on a farmer masturbating? I give you all three people all walking in at the same time on the farmer masturbating, and being roped into so much more than just a quick helping hand. Hope you enjoyed. --Dragon Mod))

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Dragon mod over yonder http://stardew-nsfw-imagines.tumblr.com/


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